well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
