i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
