so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
