i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
