So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
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