You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
