your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
