People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
