Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
