I must be too annoying 4 u.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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