do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
high people should be assigned attendants
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
