Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
