your parents love me but you hate me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
