he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
