D3 body, D1 cock
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
