there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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