and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
