i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
