I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
