We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
