Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
