I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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