Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
