I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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