Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Little spoons don't ask big questions
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.