dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.