Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.