Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I intend to get homeless drunk
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower