As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it