The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
