I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
