You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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