dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize