there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
