yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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