Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize