Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
