I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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