I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
