i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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