You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's the barista slut.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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