trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Less talking, more tequila
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
