OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
