You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
