I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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