I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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