He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
