My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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