Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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