Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
