just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
