all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
