New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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