i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
