k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
