she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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