Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
