First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize