if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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