my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
