did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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