Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
