what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
