she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
