So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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