Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Duck Duck Cougar?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
