you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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